The addJOY Podcast

S4 E7 SPECIAL EPISODE: +addJOY to Grief

Episode Summary

In today's episode, our founders, Marvin Bell (Kanika) + Gus Newport (Mari), show you in real time how to addJOY to grief. If you're enjoying, like, subscribe, and review. Opening Music: Ten Times Mood by Elliot Holmes Outro Music: Last Train by Elliot Holmes Interlude Music: Some Catalan Mysteries by Redeemin'

Episode Notes

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• Why is it important to Add Joy to everything, including grief?
  • It’s easy to have joy in joyous situations, times of grief are when we need JOY the most. But we need to practice it regularly for it to be functional in difficult times.
  • We are not suggesting that one be fake or pretend that they are filled with glee when in mourning. We ARE suggesting that joy is possible in the midst of grieving, and that staying in touch with one’s joy can get you through situations more smoothly.
  • Because the reality is…life does indeed go on. We still have to raise children, pay mortgages, return to work, and be present for the people that are still here. Tapping into a joy reserve helps us to still live while mourning one who has died.
  • It honors the person we lost. No one ever thinks of a lost loved one and imagines the person wishing for their surviving family and friends to be heartbroken and hurting for extended periods of time. In fact quite the opposite. It gives your ancestors honor when they watch you enjoy life, not lament the loss of theirs.
• How do we find joy in the midst of such sadness
  • Use the AddJoy principles. Literally each one is a recipe for how to bring light into darkness
  • Connection + Belonging - sometimes a death is what catapults relationships among the remaining family members. Make good on the vow to cherish one another.
  • Awe + Wonderment - if you find yourself crippled with grief, find something that sparks awe and wonderment. Witnessing the awesomeness of the universe can minimize feelings of being picked on by God.
  • Humor + Amusement - allow yourself to laugh about the lost loved one. Tell a funny story at the funeral service to remind people that the person brought joy.
  • Generosity + Giving - think of a way to honor the person by establishing a scholarship or making a donation to a charity that they would have appreciated. Become a warrior for those that are still living by giving of time and energy in your lost one’s name.
  • Kindness + Courtesy - people often regret the last conversations they have with a lost loved one. Minimize those regrets by increasing your overall kindness. Use kind words even in tense situations. Think of the impact just being courteous on the tone of a relationship.
  • Attitude + Mindset - (this is a tough one) change your relationship with death. What if we got excited about a person’s transition to another realm? What if instead of focusing on us losing them, we focused on what they have gained? What if we saw death as a transition? What if instead of thinking we will never speak to the person again, we got excited about being able to speak to them all the time?
  • Patience + Endurance - patience allows us to accept troubles without being so troubled. Endurance allows us to survive hardships without being broken. Though one’s ability to wade through dark waters is truly tested during times of grief, pulling on these principles make these waters more navigable.
  • Health + Wellness - when we lose someone to something specific, we can become intent about not letting the same fate befall us or others. We sometimes throw ourselves into exercise or diets, determined to stave off the illness that took our loved one. What we want to do is have a renewed focus on our overall wellness. Increase your wellness by developing and maintaining healthy habits.
  • Savoring + Appreciation - take the time to delve into the lost person. Sometimes we really get to truly know a person after they are gone because we see them more objectively, or find out the awesome things about them after death. Celebrate those things. Relish in the people who remain. Let reflecting on the moments you had with your parent inspire you to create meaningful moments with your child.
  • Pride + Gratification - brag on that lost person. Let folks know who they were and why their presence on earth was so meaningful. That sense of gratification and pride can help with the healing process simply by bringing a smile to your face when talking about them.
  • Security + Confidence - know that you were loved. You were comforted. You were cared for by this person. Rest in the knowledge that they gave you their best, even if your needs exceeded what they had. Let that love boost your sense of self-worth.
  • Soul + Spirit - The soul has to do with the relationship to the self while spirit has to do with one’s relationship to a higher power or non-material being. Tapping into soul and spirit reminds you that the person is not gone. They forever exist in memories, in the faces of their children and grandchildren, in the legacies they’ve created. That person mattered. Let that fact add joy and comfort you during the grieving process.